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Love and being in love. What's the difference?




Happy Valentine’s Day dear reader whether you’re single, paired up, or whatever.

Valentine’s Day is a day recognizing love, friendship and all that, but also let’s face it, it’s a commercial day. The price of a nice dinner, roses and chocolate skyrockets right around that time.

The longer we live, the more we see it as commercial gimmick, designed to keep the engines of commerce running. Just like the Christmas holidays, those who are paired up, but not in love, are sort of put on the spot to do something special for the other person. Those who are in love cannot wait for a day like today, to impress and woo the object of their affection. Those who are single, or in a disappointing relationship, either dread this day or choose to ignore it.

In my Twitter timeline today, I see people tweeting their different takes on love, and I realize that everyone experiences it differently. There is not one set rule on love. No doubt, I love Twitter because it educates me. It expands my mind.

Do you find it does the same for you?

Perhaps Twitter has become one of the more important loves of my life.

So, in the spirit of sharing, I will share my take on true love. This, of course, will go beyond 140 characters.

When we’re younger, we experience many kinds of love, but one thing I’ve come to realize is that being in love is a completely different situation than actually loving someone. Sure! I use to hear that all the time, but did not really internalize it until it actually happened.

One of the first things we learn is the fact that when it comes to romantic love, we all must endure the dopamine high, which has been found to be the key chemical in addiction. As per an article in Psychology Today, The Plunge of Pleasure, “Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., suspects that love's initial all-consuming sizzle is part pure lust, part pure dopamine. "My prediction is that dopamine is an essential part of infatuation," says Fisher, who is now scanning the brains of wildly infatuated people, probing for that dopamine drive. "Dopamine," she notes, "is already associated with euphoria, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and a rush of motivation”. In other words, the dazzling beginnings of love.”

Great article, by the way. It brings up an excellent point. Like all highs, it can be dangerous, and it has its low. When it comes to love, the low is, I’m sure, something all married people will be happy to share with you.

This brings to mind one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes: “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”

So, no doubt that being in love, as wonderfully addictive as it is, making us do and say things, we would not do or say otherwise, is a high.

Perhaps at my age, as much as I enjoy that high of being in love, I have become keenly aware of what a dangerous thing it is, especially for those of us who have a lot to lose. By losing our heads over someone, if that person is the wrong person, we risk losing ourselves, and everything we have worked so hard to achieve.
So, if you’re in love this Valentine’s Day, if you can, in the middle of your high, take a moment to analyze whether you’re with the right person. Because when the inevitable time to come down from that high arrives, if you happen to land in the arms of the right human being, you will be OK. However, if there is no one there to catch you, because you chose wrong, be prepared for a hard and very painful fall. Don't leave it to chance.



Therefore, in the name of self-protection, here’s what, in my experience, are the attributes of someone who’s worth falling for. This is my personal checklist. And yes, if the person’s behavior doesn’t fit this list, just like a pulling out a Band-Aid, the sooner or faster you break away, the better.

1. Contrary to what you will hear, in my experience, there is nothing difficult about falling in love and loving the right person. Love should not be a tough endeavor. If you find yourself working hard to please the object of your affection, constantly seeking their approval, and feeling is not enough, walk away. You’re with someone inherently selfish. You should both be striving to please each other. Period. It should be a relationship of equals. Anything other than that, it’s imbalanced.

2. There is no guessing, no pretending, because you will not fear open communication with this person. No need to fear being judged or left behind. You will find this out when you let them in on a personal situation. Watch how they behave. They are supposed to be supportive of who you are. If they turn away, change or judge you, then be relieved you’re finding out in time, before you show more of your deeper, inner self. Ultimately, you must follow your gut instinct. If it feels wrong, it is, no matter how much we try to rationalize it in order to keep the person around.

3. The object of your affection only adds to your life. They do not take away time, emotion, money and other resources. You share.

What’s more, this sharing brings a synergy, the concept of 1 + 1 = 3, which I justify as sometimes being 1 + (1 x 2 ) = 3 and sometimes ( 1 x 2 ) + 1 = 3. Some people, unfortunately, have experienced the wrong equation: 1 + (-1) = 0, or worse, 1+ ( -1 x 2 ) = -1. This last equation is the worst. Unfortunately, it happens. Some of you know well what I am talking about.

4. The object of your affection doesn’t strive to make you feel bad about yourself. They don’t criticize you constantly. And the key term here is, “constantly”. Sure! You’re going to have disagreements and call on each other’s flaws from time to time. But when it is constant, it is detrimental to the relationship. It saps the person’s happiness and ease of being around the other. Sadly, I have seen too many couples where one seeks to “change” or “improve” the other person. They do not realize the damage they can inflict. In my opinion, anyone who tries to change their lover to suit their inner expectations, should not be with that lover, even if they think this person is “great but could be better only if…” Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

God made us perfect the way we are. Only we are able to change ourselves. We must come to that realization on our own. The last thing you want to hear, is a partner constantly nagging you about things they see wrong with you, especially if that is the inherent you. I remember a young married couple, the wife constantly made the husband feel bad about his sense of humor. This was a guy well liked by his family and friends for his lighthearted observations, and was always welcome because he brought laughter. He began to fear cracking any jokes around her. Over the last years of their short marriage, he lost that spark. To me, that wasn’t love. That was not respect. If someone feels they need to change inherent traits about the person they love, they need to come to terms with it, but they are with the wrong person. They must spare themselves the eventual pain, and end it before it goes too far.

This all boils down to one single concept for me: unconditional mutual acceptance of the other person. One of my favorite movies, Meet Joe Black, has a great line explaining that very concept. It was during the scene between Joe Black, played by Brad Pitt, and Quince (one of the apparently more flawed, less stellar characters), who happens to be in a loving relationship with his wife. Joe asks him how do you know when it is true love. Quince tells him, “Because she knows the worst thing about me and it’s OK”. The concept that you can be completely yourself and be wholeheartedly accepted, is indeed the ultimate high. It encapsulates true love, beyond the initial infatuation, beyond the romance, beyond the years you spend with that person. Seek that. Find it, and you won’t go wrong. Then, and only then, allow yourself to fall head over heels.

Those are my basic tenets on romantic love, true love, and I would imagine it could even apply to other non-romantic situations, such as friendship, family, even a work situation. It cannot be a constantly unbalanced equation, for eventually it falls off the rails.

So, my dear lovers of love, I say go for it! Fall in love! Just make sure you allow yourself to fall for the right person. A wise married woman said to me once, “Don’t marry for love. Use your head.” Another wise, older and single woman told me a long time ago, “The fact that you’re both in love, or that you both love each other is no guarantee that you can live together and that it’ll work out”.

While love is the key ingredient that brings two people together, we have to be aware that it is also the result of a dopamine high, causing lack of rational clarity.

So, choose well. The infatuation drug is a wonderful high. It is God’s gift to us, no doubt. Just make sure you know with whom you decide to share that high so you can have a safe landing. And if you’re there, consider yourself the luckiest person in the world.

Happy Valentine’s from this hopeless, but wiser romantic.

So, what's your take on the subject?



The Plunge of Pleasure
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200909/the-plunge-pleasure


Meet Joe Black – Quotes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119643/quotes


The Mind-Job and the Mental Tourist




Such odd terms, which perfectly apply to an undesired event that sooner or later, it seems, all of us will have to encounter in our lives.

What is it, you may ask?


As the terms imply, and your imagination may tell you, a mind-job is when you allow someone inside your head, thinking it is safe to open up and share some of your intimate thoughts, things you normally would only share with potential lovers. But in truth, that person is just a mental tourist, with no intentions of staying or even honoring the fact you let them in. For the purpose of this column, we shall call them that, the mental tourist. After you show them some of your deepest corners, they may keep coming back, but intermittently, keeping you wondering, guessing,  until sooner or later they drop the hammer, some kind of unwanted surprise, leaving you wondering what happened, because you didn’t see it coming, and if you may have, you were hoping for the best.

In the end, you’re left with feelings of anger, frustration and worse of all, betrayal, especially if you find out later on that what you shared with them, they may have shared with others in their inner circles. It happens to all of us, and I’ve noticed, it is usually at a very vulnerable time in our lives, whether it is a recent break up, a loss of some kind, or a life transition where everything is dynamic and certainty is lacking. Watch out for the people who happen to come around you during those moments, especially new people.

So, do we have anyway to protect ourselves from this occurrence? How do we know who is a mental tourist and who is for real?

Yes, there are ways to tell, so that one can protect oneself. Some protection tactics can be seen as harsh and be hard to follow, especially when we’re vulnerable because as we all know, sharing intimate mental moments with another human being, who is as receptive and is reciprocating, can be extremely addictive. So, not an easy thing to pay attention to the red flags or back down, even when you know it’s happening. But there are signs, signs we at times choose to ignore, hoping for the best. Such a human thing to do.

Plus, we have to admit that we also take part, willingly, in this mind-job business. We choose to ignore the flags and our inner gut instinct, which at times is yelling inside the solar plexus begging us to move on, but we ignore it. So, it’s not just the mental tourist’s fault. We are at fault as well. For the mental tourist can be a well-meaning person who’s also enjoying the mental intimacy, and may even be enticed, but really has no serious long term intentions. So, take responsibility for your part in this unpleasant event, and be strong enough to walk away in time, before your heart and body get involved, because once it gets to that point, you’re deep in the quick sand.

Mind-jobs only happen when you’re young. Once you become a mature person, you don’t have to worry.

Now THAT is a myth. For I’ve met women, older than me who have either done it, or have gone thru it themselves. So, unfortunately, as much as we’d like to think mind jobs only happen among the inexperienced or immature, there is no age-based immunity. A good friend of mine in her forties, who’s usually very guarded just went thru it. She went as far as giving her heart and body. My heart broke for her. She didn’t see it coming. I, myself, came very close recently. Thankfully it remained purely mental. As I reflect back on it, I feel like I dodged a bullet, but came very very close, which prompted me to write this article, and share with you this very important lesson, as a warning.



So, here are the signs you're in the middle of a mind-job:

1. The person with whom you’re sharing these intimate mental moments, flirtations and amazing chemistry does not always return your text messages, does not pick up the phone when you call, rarely returns your emails or phone calls and always has an excuse. She (or he) makes promises to you that they don’t keep. You feel sort of second priority for them, despite you two having shared very personal and intimate mental or even physical moments and hang with each other for hours, talking endlessly. Do not ignore this very important behavior. If you feel you’re not as high a priority as they are to you, it is a huge red flag.

2. He or she shares intimate mental moments with you as well, on one hand letting you in on a possibility of the two of you, how they feel around you, even fantasizing of a potential life together or travels together, but at times within the same breath stating they are “not looking to get involved right now with anyone.” That is a HUGE red flag that you cannot ignore. Do not hope for the best here because such ambivalence is a disclaimer for them to walk away free at any convenient moment, especially when things begin to require them to commit to something bigger with you. That is when they are likely to walk away and point the finger at you blaming you for taking things "the wrong way." Do NOT ignore those words. The moment you hear them, you must, must politely end the conversation, meeting, texts and literally disappear from their lives.

Walking away at this point, when you're in the midst of it, when you're hoping for the best, is a very hard thing to do, but I told you, the mental connection can be addictive. The romantic chemistry may never go away, so you need to stay away from that person, because even the most well-meaning individual may just have issues that have nothing to do with you, issues you can never hope to resolve. And those issues will get in the way of a real and complete intimacy. So, no no no sticking around for these screwed up people who are not sure whether they want you or not. You cannot fix someone. You cannot be the exception. If they end up with someone else later on is because they resonated with each other’s issues. We all have issues after all. We’re all a little screwed up in some way. Just remember this, someone either wants you or not. Face it. That is the truth. There are no maybes, even if they tell you maybe. If you have ever seen the movie, The Holiday, with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet, you'll see a perfect example of this awful situation. It is unfortunately quite common.



3. They use the words, “I don’t want to hurt you." You all KNOW exactly what I mean. Some of you, even worse, have heard those words even while making love with someone, or right after. When you hear those words, run, because they are saying they have no serious intentions of honoring your feelings. It’s another disclaimer, another license for them to walk away, shrugging their shoulders and pointing the finger at you later. Do NOT. I repeat, do NOT ignore that very big red flag.

They may just be so weak that they don't know how to tell you the real and naked truth. They will claim they are trying to spare your feelings later on, when the truth finally comes out. So, think about that for a moment. If they are allowing you to go this far, and are not as sincere as you are, that is a big, big problem. It's deceit, plain and simple, undeserving of anyone's feelings, because in the end, their weakness and lack of a spine to speak up will hurt you anyway, even to the point where it can become a bigger mess than it needed to. These are people you must run away from, as fast as you can.

4. The intimacy feels two-way, very real when it’s the two of you, whether in person or over the phone, the chemistry and attraction is there but something is holding you back. Now THAT is a very very tough thing to discern, for at times when it is the real thing, it is fear holding you both back. And I find it difficult to actually give anyone a black and white suggestion on this situation, but all I will say here, that unfortunately, it is because of this that you allow a mental tourist in.

So, realize that the chemistry will likely remain there, tempting you. So, no, this is not a sign you’re in front of a mental tourist, for the real thing also begins with amazing chemistry and mental intimacy. All that I’m saying is that here is where the point of vulnerability lies, where the door gets opened and you let someone in. Chemistry and mental intimacy are absolutely the very beginning and are no guarantees of anything, with anyone. Where you’ll be able to discern the mental tourist versus the real deal is in their words and their actions reciprocating yours as you invite them in.

5. Days go by, even weeks at times, before you hear from them. At times it is in reply to you, but at times not even recognizing prior correspondence or message. For those of you who have gone beyond the mental, you may even get a call only when they want what is commonly termed as a "booty call" in the middle of the night, out of the blue. Now that is plain rude and inconsiderate, especially for someone you’ve let into your most intimate circle. Do not ignore the rudeness, no matter what the excuse. Do not. Plain and simple. Don't ever forget to honor yourself. It's hard when in the fog of romantic temptation and possibility, but don't. It is so so tempting to swallow whatever flimsy excuse they give you: “was too busy,” “had no Internet connection,” “changed phones,” “phone died,” “someone died,” no no no no…. If indeed that intimacy has occurred, and therefore trust has been created, you’re likely the first person they turn to when things happen, so do NOT fool yourself into believing excuses. Either they want you by their side or do not.

6. When the people closest to you, who in the past have looked out for you, who see what you’re going thru, try to warn you, or tell you this person is not right for you. Listen to those well-meaning friends, especially if it’s not just one friend warning you. Heed the warnings.

7. When you ask yourself what would you advise yourself, or a little sister or brother in a situation like this, and the advice is to run. Listen to your own advice. Listen to your own gut. We all become addicted to love and intimacy, even when it is with the wrong person. It is a nice high. It’s hard to be objective when you’re in the fog of emotions in that situation. So, if you have a moment of clarity and the best advice you can give to yourself is run, do listen. I will confess. I have been  hugely guilty of this. During my last "mind-job" situation I had 28 reasons in a spreadsheet listed against going forward with this person, versus 9 to proceed. That kind of clarity couldn’t have been more black and white, but did I listen to my best advice? No. Thankfully I did hold back the heart and it did not get as far as physical, but it still went too far. Yet, as much as I felt misled, I completely take the responsibility for my part. Remember, the mind-job is often unintentional, it occurs with people with major intimacy issues and it certainly takes place between two very willing parties.



So, how do you protect yourself from a mental tourist?

1. At first, while you’re enjoying the chemistry and are beginning to let them in, there is very little you can do. What I’d say at this point is do not, do not allow your heart get involved from the very beginning. That is the best thing you can do for yourself. Try, please, please, please, not to, let it get physical. The moment it gets physical, or it touches the heart, it is only that much harder to see thru the fog of emotions because now feelings will begin to surface. The one thing that I can attribute to age and experience is being able to hold back and not throw yourself all in right away. That is one thing that with age will come easier. So, for those of us of a certain age, yes, that should be good insurance. Hold the heart and body until you receive the right signs, and are sure.

2. I believe in the three strike rule with most things in life, whether it’s situations or people’s behavior. Give your mental tourist, at most, three chances to disappoint you. For a mental tourist will disappoint you often, setting expectations, making promises and not coming thru. The closer they get to your heart, the deeper they go into your mind, the higher the standard. You CANNOT, absolutely CANNOT let someone, who does NOT deserve you, be allowed any slack. How do you know someone you like is deserving of you? When they reciprocate your feelings in full. Some will even be as amazing as going one step further and court you not holding back, with no excuses, letting you know you are their first priority. If the attraction and connection is mutual, yes, they are deserving of you. But the moment you start believing in every little excuse this person gives you for failing to reciprocate, do not fall for excuses. Either you’re their priority or not. Sometimes we’ve been as weak as creating our own excuses for that person. It is very sad. I’ve seen it in people in love triangles quite often. People dating married people are the worse examples of this. As I said, we also take part on this mind-job game. We have to take our responsibility as well.

3. When you have those moments of clarity –and you will have them—when you’re alone in your own space with some tranquility, put down on paper the pros and the cons of moving forward with this person. Be real, be absolutely honest because that list is for your eyes only. Sometimes seeing things in black and white in front of you may help. At times you can even refer back to that list as things begin to progress. At times you choose to ignore the list anyway and move forward, but at least you know well what you’re getting yourself into. There will be no one to blame but yourself at that point.

4. Once you’ve determined this person is only a mental tourist inside your head and doesn’t have any serious intentions, you need to pull back, fast and hard. Cancel that virtual visa right away! Just like a band-aid comes off better fast, it is an absolute must to do the same here. Do not return those calls. Do not return text messages. Do not return emails or FB messages or Tweets or whatever. If your mind tourist friend is really screwed up, when you start pulling back, that is when they’ll seek you the most, and will want back in. Huge, huge sign that you must stay away. Now you’re a challenge. Do not fall for that unnecessary drama. Who needs it? Let it go. Life goes on and there will be a deserving human being ahead looking for you. Look at walking away from a mind-job as a test of being true to yourself.

5. It is very tempting –if you end up having a last heart to heart with this person—to agree to remain as friends. That could be a double-edged sword. I say to that, fine, agree to it, but give yourself distance and time before attempting to being in contact with this person again, because chances are the chemistry will still be there. Consider yourself lucky if they do something screwy that turns you off. Then it’s easy to walk away. But when you part in good terms, it’s easy to fall back. So, take your time and space away from them for as long as possible, surround yourself with other people, people who make you feel safe, but not, certainly not, the source of your mind-job, even if he or she makes you feel safe. This condition can be addictive, so beware. We are after all, human, fragile and weak. It’s OK to admit to that, but love yourself first and move on. The real deal is waiting for you further down the road. It happens. I believe it in it. True love has walked in when least expected, and I can completely vouch that when you move on, though it may hurt, the fog will dissipate with time and the real deal will cross your path, sooner or later. Have faith.

It may turn out that after that episode you and that person may end up as friends after all. Maybe you both had to learn that lesson and get past this, but for a long time you have to remain on guard. Avoid being one on one alone with them. Avoid situations where they are around. Avoid them as much as you can, especially if you’ve gone too far and in someway they have become the source of any type of pain or negative emotions. Who needs negative emotions?

Seek to be around things and or people who bring you happiness and pleasure. Even if it means you must take time away from everyone, hanging by yourself one weekend listening to your favorite music, or watching your favorite movie. Yes, indulge yourself a little when moving on from a mind-job. And do yourself one last huge favor. Do NOT. Do NOT in anyway use this as an excuse to neglect your appearance. Try to go to the gym more often, work out that energy. If you end up having wine and chocolate or cheese, fine, have some, once. But use the checks and balances philosophy. You indulge one afternoon, go to the gym if possible, that night, or the next day. If you want to skip the gym, do it once, but go back the next day. Do not hurt yourself, for then you have given the mind-job power to hurt you.

So, make peace with your mistake, with yourself, with the mental tourist (at least inside your head),  and move on. For life does go on.

There are no guarantees that the next person who walks into your life won’t be another mind tourist. Life can be that screwy sometimes. And sometimes we need to ask ourselves if this is our own pattern we are falling into, one that we seek subconsciously. Situations like these should call for deep reflection. As human as we are, it is easy to beat ourselves up and try to punish ourselves for the errors of our ways, so we have to forgive ourselves and also find it in our heart to forgive the mental tourist, for many times they don't know what they are doing. After all, we are in this life to learn.

Do stop to reflect on the lesson and make sure you have learned. The situation may pop up again. It could be life testing you to make sure the lesson finally stuck. It will certainly be an opportunity to test your newly-learned skill of mental kung-fu.

It’s life. It happens. Shit happens.

Thankfully there is the virtual water and soap to wash it away.




Out and about on the town



There are many options when it comes to night time events or parties here in NYC.


Summer is here! And it's time to go out on the town again! There are quite a few cool parties and events where you're likely to meet the mistress of your dreams.

I have to tell you that at times life gets in the way and I'm unable to list here the latest and greatest events, in time, as they arrive into my inbox. However I will list for every event the url/source so you can go check out the latest updates on your own, should this article not be updated in a timely basis. My apologies about that.

So, here are updates as of Summer 2013.

Go Magazine, a cool all girl magazine does take the time to have the latest updates, nationwide, so here I am inserting the link that will take you to the latest girl listings around the country, not just NYC. So, have fun!!

Please visit their website for the latest updates on events and girlie related issues.


http://www.gomag.com/

If you live outside of NYC, click on the link below:

http://www.gomag.com/region.php


FOR THE STEADY PLACES TO GO OUT, SEE BELOW:

OPEN EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK:
The places listed below are always open and welcoming to women, so you can visit those at anytime of the week or the year, and you can even dare to walk in by yourself. It's okay. No one will bother you, unless you want to...

IN MANHATTAN:

1. Henrietta Hudson (corner of Hudson and Morton Streets in the West Village
438 Hudson Str. (@ Morton St), NYC, NY 10014  (212) 924-3347
Mon-Fri 4pm-4am - Sat-Sun 2pm-4am
www.henriettahudson.com


A cool club for women. They have 2 bars and a dance floor. From Wednesday thru Sunday they have in-house DJs spinning the latest and most popular tunes. Every night they have something going on. For more information check out their website: http://www.henriettahudson.com/. I'd say it is the place where most women go. Many may differ with me but while the other places are smaller, this one offers the most options in entertainment.

The blend of women ranges through all colors of the rainbow and types: femme, masculine and in between. The older generation women tend to complaint a bit about the "young crowd" on Fridays and Saturday nights, but I have seen a good number of older and professional types hang out there anyway, especially on weekdays during the "afterwork" hours (5-9pm).

So, come and check it out after work!

21 to enter.  Credit cards and debit cards accepted, with ID.

Photo and info source:
http://www.henriettahudson.com/
 

2. Cubby Hole
(281 W. 12th Street - @ West 4th Street)  212 243-9041



It is a cozy little bar to meet that special date or just to hang out after work. It draws a very nice blend of women as well. It is small though, but cozy enough to keep you. Perfect for a quiet date, especially early in the week. Can't guarantee that on weekends though. It gets nice and packed and it has a great jukebox with a wonderful selection of music for all tastes. So you can actually be your own DJ. Actually this bar reminds me of the first Cubby Hole back in the 80's. Similarly nice crowd. It's set in a romantic little neighborhood with outdoor cafes. It is boy-friendly but you find mostly women there.

They also have a Happy Hour: 4-7pm on weekdays and 2-7 on weekends.
Photo and info source (and for more info), visit their website at http://cubbyholebar.com/index.html
 
3. Ruby Fruit Bar & Grill
(531 Hudson St. - a couple of blocks north of Henrietta Hudson)

CLOSED - I know. I was sad to hear it too.

The places below I have not checked in the past 12 months. So, before you head out there, please call and make sure they are open.
 
IN BROOKLYN

1. CattyShack



249 4th Avenue (between Carroll & President Streets) 
Brooklyn (718) 230-5740
www.cattyshackbklyn.com
Open M-F from 2pm to 4am
Sat & Sun: 12pm to 4am
Happy Hour: Every day from 4-8pm (2-4-1 specials)
This is a dance club, with 2 floors, 2 bars and 2 DJ booths. It has an outdoor hang out area as well. Boys and girls are welcome there.
Country Western on Thursday nights. Cover possibly
Karaoke on Wednesdays and open mike days on Mondays (Display your talent)
Jeanie is one of the bartenders (nice girl!)

This is a very popular spot even for those not in Brooklyn. 
For more info, check their website for the latest event listings.

2. Ginger's
363 5th Avenue (between 5th and 6th Streets), Park Slope, Bklyn. 718 788-0924
Open M-F  5pm to 4am  -  Sat, Sun 2pm to 4am
A lesbian owned and operated spot in Brooklyn.
Also everyone is welcome.
They have their own beer on tap. Jukebox, pool room and garden.
Happy Hour: 2-for-1 drink specials from 5-8pm, every day
 

3. Metropolitan – 7 nights
Mixed gay bar (Men and women)

Wednesday nights is ladies night.
559 Lorimer Street
(between Metropolitan Avenue and Devoe Street)
Williamsburg, Bklyn. 718 599-4444
Open 7 days 3pm to 4am
Located in Williamsburg, it is off the L Train Lorimer stop. Neighborhood spot.
Free wireless internet
Happy Hour: Monday thru Saturday from 3-8pm – 2-for-1 well drinks (Bud and Bud Lite)



FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS

Great date spots, not necessarily gay.
 
Great Balcony Bar @ Met Museum
 


5th Avenue and 82nd Street – Central Park East
Fridays and Saturdays at the Met Museum (4-8:30pm)
Great Balcony Bar: F, S 4-8:30; Music: 5:00-8:00
 
Cocktails and appetizers served on the balcony overlooking the Great Hall. Full bar. Live classical music. Located on the second floor. Friday and Saturday: 4:00–8:30 p.m
 
Okay, so this is not a girl-only event. This is open to all public. However, it is one of my favorite date spots. If you work for a major corporation, it is possible that by presenting your ID, you can get in for free, due to corporate membership. So, make sure to check out the Met Museum website or your employer’s personnel office. It IS worth the trip uptown. A romantic and beautiful setting. You can always head downtown for a nice dinner and dancing later on.
 

Sonic Vision



Hayden Planetarium at the Rose Center for Earth & SPC
American Museum of Natural History
 
175 Central Park W # 208 (Bet. 74th and 75th Streets) (212) 769-5100

The American Museum of Natural History, in collaboration with MTV2, has launched SonicVision, a groundbreaking digitally animated alternative music show. SonicVision is presented every Friday and Saturday evening at 7:30 and 8:30 p.m., in the Hayden Planetarium at the Museum's Rose Center for Earth and Space.
 
SonicVision takes audiences in the Hayden Planetarium Space Theater on a mind-warping musical roller-coaster ride through fantastical dreamspace. With a mix by Moby and featuring tracks from Radiohead, U2, David Bowie, Coldplay, Queens of the Stone Age, Prodigy, The Flaming Lips, Fischerspooner, Spiritualized, Audioslave, Stereolab, Boards of Canada, David Byrne and Brian Eno, Goldfrapp, Zwan, White Zombie, and Moby, the music ignites this one-of-a-kind computer-generated musical and visual experience, which uses next-generation digital technology to illuminate the Planetarium's dome with a dazzling morphing of colorful visions. [Another great idea for those of you music lovers. Again, not a girl-only event but certainly worth checking out. You can take it anywhere from there!]

Photo and info source: http://www.amnh.org/rose/dome/



At various dates throughout the year:
ELMO'S -
PARTY FOR PROFESSIONAL WOMEN
Q-GIRLS 


Mingle with other beautiful professional women at Elmo's Lounge.
Meet new friends or catch up with old ones.
Dance into the night with songs by DJ The Girl who will be taking your requests.
 
DATE: Go to the website and subscribe. Dates vary.
LOCATION: THE LOUNGE AT ELMO'S, 156 7TH AVENUE (NY, NY)
(BTWN. 19TH AND 20TH STREETS)
TIME: 8:00 PM - 2:00 AM
PHONE: (917) 602-2039
COVER: $5 BEFORE 9PM AND $10 THEREAFTER


SHOULD YOU FIND YOURSELF HEADING OUT TO THE
WEST COAST, HERE ARE SOME COOL GIRL EVENTS

A word on Girl Bar. Many years ago I lived in LA. And as far as I remember, GirlBar parties are the best. The women there are beautiful and plentiful. It was so fantastic to walk into those parties. So, check it out. If you have any feedback here, feel free to post.

Below are some of the events out there in the West Coast.

FRIDAYS AT GIRL BAR, L.A.
661 N. Robertson Blvd.
West Hollywood, California 90069
Parking on Robertson Blvd.
or N. La Peer Dr.
For more information on how
to get there, call 310-659-4551




or click here: GirlBar Friday Guest List

There is Girl Bar Chicago, Vegas and coming up soon, Phoenix. So,
For more info, visit the GirlBar website: http://www.girlbar.com/


More to come......So, keep checking

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